2012: This is how the World ends

Written by Swordwind

Saturday, 24 October 2009 19:23

Seems nowadays you can't get through the day without someone reminding you that we'll all be checking into heaven or hell in a few years time. Many theories have been put forward as to what will happen, many bizarre, some downright accurate and too detailed to be realistic. But what if something happened? What could we do to stop it? Well, let's look at some of the 'prophecies' that are supposedly going to happen, and then let's have a look at just as plausible solutions to these problems. Just to let you know, I don't believe any of these theories have any solid proof, it's just scaremongers trying to cause panic by making stuff up using bits and pieces from different sources to try and make it believable. DON'T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT.

Complete Social Anarchy: Possibly the most believable, this theory simply states that with everyone panicking that their time is up, will start to rip apart society in an attempt to survive or enjoy thier last moments. Simply put, we'll panic ourselves into a catastrophy.
...
Yes.

What can we do? Aside from actually NOT panicking and realising that there isn't actually anything wrong, there's only one thing we can do; Hide in huge underground vaults, and either emerge at certain times to live in a wasteland (Fallout 3), or suppress the population with a iron fist and alien technology, just like Half-life. Just be careful that a scientist doesn't get a hold of a Crowbar and goes on a rampage.

Swine Flu: Fear the pig. Not really just Swine Flu, but all the theories of super-viruses and plaugues wiping out the population. But there's only two ways this can end; complete wipe out, or zombies. If the virus doesn't kill you, the flesh eating mutants will. Damn you shady corporations playing God, DAMN YOU!

What can we do? Simple; Have a zombie plan. You can't really avoid catching a cold with a grudge, but you can avoid the slow zombies. Remember; aim for the head, travel in small groups, and never, EVER be last in the line. In fact, try and remian in the middle, using your party as a living, breathing shield. All those Zombie survival games and movies should have taught you simply how to avoid them, so Zombies shouldn't be as big as a problem as the living make out.

Planet X: My personal favourite, backed up by really flimsy 'proof' of it's existance in holy scripts and ancient writings. Would be believable if it wasn't for the fact that all aforementioned 'proof' is simply very loosely translated meanings and also that we should see it hurtling towards us right now. So what is it?

Planet X is supposedly a planet that ever 1000 or so years gets thrown out of it's own system and into ours. It's also a method of transport for an alien race that eat men and steal women. Never mind the fact that in the time it takes for the planet to reach our system, it would've long since killed off any colonies of an extraterrestial specieces, let alone make the journey worthwhile for a human leg with chips. It's also meant to cause serious weather, killing off most human population centres and making us easy to enslave and devour. Rumours have it that crop circles left by aliens to warn us of safe spots on continents, and also that the fact our weather is already starting to get a bit strange is solid evidence that soon we'll be herded into an inter-galactic Mcdonalds.

What can we do? Only one thing: Duke Nukem. The man himself has fought aliens and saved our chicks more times than you've wished you were him. Coupled with other legendary alien killers, Master Chief and Gordon Freeman, Earth is safe from alien attack.

Come get some.

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites